Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I knew how the world works.
Sometimes I wish I knew the answers to everything.
Sometimes I wish I would belong like everyone else who fits in.
Sometimes I wish I had more money so that I can buy books, cloths, and a new bike.
Sometimes I wish I could always be happy.
Sometimes I wish I could wake up every morning making myself a good cup of coffee before class.
Sometimes I wish I would get a call back from any job I applied for.
Sometimes I wish my boss wouldn't be a pain in the A**.
Sometimes I wish I could just lay in bed for a whole day and forget about everything without worries.
Sometimes I wish I had a significant other who.
Sometimes I wish I could visit various places on this beautiful world.
Sometimes I wish I had a cool dream every night.
Sometimes I wish that I could live in Dr. Seuss's world.
Sometimes I wish the sky could be clear from light pollution so that I can see the stars.
Sometimes I wish George Lucas would work on a new independent project that would be a success.
Sometimes I wish that the sun would never go down.
Sometimes I wish I had the proper film for most of my cameras.
Sometimes I wish I could understand every foreign language because they all sound so cool.
Sometimes I wish I had enough space on my flash drive to save all the cool art i stumble across by.



But sometimes I just like they way things are.

Zone Out.

I have took note of something that happened during this weekend, today I was hanging out with my friends. We were walking down a street, I decided to slow down my pace and fall behind because I wanted to take a photo of my friends. During the process of taking my phone out of my pocket after finally being behind everyone, I looked ahead of myself. There I noticed and realized that I have three really good friends. Then I began a trail of thought that led to many flashbacks. From those split seconds of memories that I remembered, I began to fall into a pensive trance. I was thinking that I wish I could of done something to keep more in touch with my old friends. But the point is that I was grateful about the friends that I have now, they are more than I could ever ask for. I realized that I had shared a lot of exciting and interesting memories with all of the friends that I've had. Then I began to think about so much. It was overwhelming, I was overwhelmed...
Then It literally hit me... I just enjoy memories that I create and collect with my friends in general. Come To think of it, memories feel like dreams. You look back at the good times and its oh so beautiful.


Memories, Memories, Memories.

I can see where I am goin’ to be.

It has recently came to my attention that all I have been doing lately is going to work, going to school & reading the books that I had. I have re-read all the books that I had in my room countless times throughout high school. Finally I have motivated myself to go out and buy new material for mini art projects to work on and also new books to fathom. Spending so much time in solitude is making appreciate everything that surround's me a lot more.

I went to Barnes and Nobles & I bought five books. I am looking forward to spending so many insomniac nights in the distant future just reading and reading away. The authors who take time to write all of these precious novels are seriously inspirational. I am obsessed with reading.

Now what I really need, is to start sketching and painting again...
I'm afraid to lose my touch.

You have emotions, I am a machine.

I find it amusing when people make assumptions and try to identify who I am. I like when they question my knowledge, I enjoy when they ridicule me for being such a "bad person", & I absolutely love it when they try to walk all over me.

Now, heres the truth, so you can hate me. I couldn't care less about what you think about me. I couldn't care less about the gossip you tell other people about me. This goes for anyone who ever tries to get to know me. The truth is that I am a unsolvable jigsaw, I only hand fragments of myself to certain people who i feel deserve the information. I don't feel as if I need anyone to help me live a happy life, I am completely happy the way I am & I know that this isn't questionable to myself.

I dont love, I dont need, & I dont want anything from anyone.

I just need you to understand that this is the way I am as a human being, Im not a bad person, I am just extremely reserved with what goes on in my head.

I cannot allow anyone to get attached to me emotionally, this is why I push anyone and everyone away.

Pensive Thinking.

Today I had a excellent experience, I dreamt that I was walking down a white hallway with crystal core-doors. As I was walking down the hallway I felt a intensive arctic breeze kissing the back of my neck. I turned around out of curiosity to see what had been behind me, but all I recalled seeing was literally nothing but space and stars. As I began to progress and walk down the hallway, I couldn't help but notice that the tile underneath my feet began too fall into deep space after every step I made towards the door. At the end of this hallway, I saw the door that appeared to be made out of marble with a golden door knob. As i stood in front of the door I placed the palm of hand on the knob and wrapped my fingers around it, then I gently turned it. As I opened the heavy door, pulling it towards me, a bright streaming white light was seeping through the cracks of the doors.

Apparently my sister woke me up before I ever found out what was on the other side of that door in my dream.

& now I will never know.

There's always two sides of a sad story.

So its been a while now since I've completely isolated myself from everything that continued to make me unhappy, but its not because i wanted it to be this way.

But it still continues to linger, The words that you say are like a plague.
You continue to preach your perception of me to everyone you know, making me well known.
Its all over for me now, you have taken everything away from me, and left a terrible impression of me.

But its okay...